


Is This All We're Living For?

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: Break Up, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 09:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9649319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Inspired by "Let It Go" by James Bay.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry ;)





	

“This…this doesn’t work anymore,” he said, the tears building a wall before his eyes. Her tear-stained eyes mirrored his own. She knew he was right, but for quite a while neither one of them wanted to admit it. They didn’t work anymore - it tore him apart…but it was over, at least for now. 

“I know,” she muttered, the salty tears spilling over onto rosy cheeks. “I wanted it to not be true…but it is. What happened to us?”

As he opened his arms, she walked into them, crying into his shoulder. They had been so happy. They’d take walks together in the nearby park, watching as the leaves changed and fell to the ground - cool weather enveloping them from the breeze coming off the lake. “We used to be so happy,” she sobbed, “We’d go out on the town, all dressed up, get a little drunk, come home and make love…what happened to that…goddammit.”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, cradling her head in his arms. “All I know is that now, all we do is fight. All the time.”

For weeks now, they’d fight anytime he was home, which wasn’t often - and that was probably the problem. She constantly complained about him not being home. He’d yell that he couldn’t do anything about it and that it was his job. 

It was true. He was never home. It was also true he couldn’t help it. But when he was home, he’d been closing himself off. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself. His work was emotionally-taxing; letting all of that on Y/N? He wouldn’t do it. She didn’t need that.

She wouldn’t let it go. Insisting that he tell her about his work life and when he wouldn’t she’d scream and yell and cry to the point where he’d walk out and slam the door - the sharp thud resounding through his ears as he ran down the stairs and into the cool breeze of nighttime air. She knew him so well. Just as he was thinking it, she brought it up.

“What happened to the beginning? When we’d practically fall through the door with our clothes already half off and halfway across the room?” she laughed heavily. “Now instead of falling into your apartment half naked, you’re storming out of ours with so much force the door starts to shake. I love you…why isn’t this working? Why is that enough?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I love you too. So much. And I want this to work, but I think we need time alone.” A wracking sob escaped her throat. She knew it. He knew it. But they both hated giving up - giving in. “I do know that right now,” he cracked. “Right now, we’re broken, and I think we need time to be ourselves.”

They’d gotten together at such a young age. They met in college - when he was pursuing his third Ph.D. and she was just beginning, but they’d hit it off and ever since they’d been close. After she graduated, and he was accepted to work with the BAU, they’d hooked up romantically, and for years they’d been so happy together, but once Spencer started closing himself off, she couldn’t get through to him - and the lack of communication was killing them slowly, but surely.

“I don’t want to let go,” she cried, squeezing her arms tight around his waist. Not only would they be losing each other as lovers, they’d be losing a best friend. “You’re my best friend.”

As he cried, he buried his head in her hair, the drops of sadness falling into her hair. “I-I don’t want to lose you either,” he cried. “I want us to get past this…but I think the only way for us to have any hope of that is to walk away…for now.”

“You’re right,” she said, swaying back and forth in his arms. “I don’t want you to be right, but of course you are. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I’m always angry - always jealous. It’s not me…”

“No, it’s not,” he said. “I never thought I’d be unable to recognize myself, but I’m always angry. Outside of work, I should be happy. I should feel light, but I can’t; this can’t be all we’re living for.”

Y/N sobbed even harder into his chest, falling to the floor with his arms still wrapped around her. “So what do we do now?” she asked, her tone indicated that she hoped he’d say that everything was going to be okay and that they should go to sleep and things would be back to normal in the morning, but that she knew it wasn’t going to happen. They did need a break and she knew it. 

“I grab my things. Stay with Morgan or JJ for a while until I can find my own place, and in the meantime we try and find ourselves outside of our relationship,” he said sadly. He hadn’t even contacted Morgan or JJ about staying with them; they both knew about his relationship troubles with Y/N, but not that they were breaking up. He knew they would help him in any way they could; Y/N was an enormous part of his life, that may not be there anymore.

Finally, the tears began to subside. They both knew it was for the best. But it was hard. It was so hard. You couldn’t push things that just weren’t going to work. She reached up, grabbing his face in her hands as she brought her lips to his for what could be the final time. “Let’s try for a month or so apart before we try and contact each other,” she said. “If this is truly what our relationship needs, then we probably should try not having contact for a while.”

“I agree,” he said sadly. “I promise that this doesn’t have to be the end - it just might be.”

“I know,” she replied, wiping one of the remaining tears from her eyes as they walked to the door together. “Just remember, no matter what happens, I’ll always love you.”

“I love you, too,” he responded, turning around to memorize her face before he walked away. No matter what happened, he’d never forget.


End file.
